Thursday, February 14, 2013

I have had lots of folks ask me why I have not posted in a while.  Well, let me give you a brief overview of the last few months in regards to my life.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  There have been celebrations, death's, and milestones reached with my family.  However, through all the sadness, madness, and gladness, I am still reminded that my past will always be a part of who I am which is a blessing and a curse.

I think I last posted about the marital residence selling after almost 9 years!  I knew that it would be almost impossible to get my ex to do the right thing and pay me what he owes.  Just as I suspected, so far no money.  A court date was scheduled in January and, of course, it was continued.  So the new date is next Monday and I will keep everyone posted.

At the end of November, we lost a very vital part of our family.  My husband's sister passed away at the age of 49.  She was the "glue" that held our family together and we all feel extremely lost without her.  She always had a kind word, smile, or some type of encouragement for me.  Kind words were so few when growing up and so loved and appreciated when she spoke them.  It has been so very sad, but I am at peace knowing that she loved God and had no fear of death.  What a statement of faith and what a blessing she was to me, my husband, and kids.  

The holidays were tough after losing a family member.  We celebrated Thanksgiving at my home this year and I made sure that I sat a place for Suzanne at the table.  I could feel her presence there with us and that brought some feelings of peace.  Why is it that the holidays are the worst time to lose a loved one?  

Then Christmas rolled around and there was certainly a void.  There was no Aunt Suzanne to play the guitar for us, make us homemade gifts from her heart, or laugh and love us unconditionally.  Once again, there was a certain "cloud" looming over our holiday.  For me, Christmas is such a special time and the memories I carry with me are some of the very few good times I can remember with my dad.  I did not want anything to interfere with my happy times, but reality set in and I was forced to face my aching heart.  I was not heartbroken for Suzanne.  I was heartbroken for myself which I guess is selfish in a way.  I don't really know, but we all grieve in our own way and my grief was mine and mine alone.


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