My suitcase was quickly starting to look a lot emptier and my load was becoming a bit lighter. I was looking towards the bottom of that old baggage and could see the worn floral lining. I think I felt a bit sad that there were only a few items remaining but did let out a little laugh when I saw the mortgage papers and a new hire packet.
After I came to the see that I was continuing to sabatouge myself and could not break the negative patterns I had learned as a child and kept repeating as an adult without some help, I started counseling with Dr. Mary and she helped me to open a totally new chapter of my life.
I purchased an adorable three story cottage style home in a beautiful luxury neighborhood that was located near Lake Allatoona. I was darn sure that I was totally removed from all the memories, gossip and just out and out rumors that were spread about me, my marriage and my divorce in the little town where Carr and I had lived for many years.. I had come to the realization that I did not have to explain or justify why I left. Really, who was going to believe what I had to say when you had this manipulative, pitiful, and desperate liar spinning stories of despair all around town. I had protected him and acted in my own life play. My performance included the disguise of a perfect marriage and I knew that I could not convince anyone that this so-called kind, gentle, and loving man was really a self-centered, verbally abusive, narcissistic jerk. I had perpetuated this lie and did not have the energy to try and reverse the damage I had done. So, I decided that it was time to start with a clean slate. I bought my own home, got a car, was hired at the Department of Family and Children Services, signed up for tennis lessons, and took my first steps towards becoming the woman I am today and wow what a ride it was.