Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Chapter Sixteen - A Wedding Photograph

I really do not know whether I should be happy or sad about the realization that my suitcase is pretty much empty.  I have 2 small memento's just waiting to be acknowledged and some type of a book with a beautiful paisley cover wanting me to pull it out and turn the pages.  I am happy to be coming to the end of unpacking so many memories that chose and refused to remember for so many years.  The painful pictures, the flashbacks of a time when all I could do was survive, and the reliving of disappointment, shame, terror and betrayal by people who were supposed to love me.  I am also sad for some of the same reasons.  I am sad that truth and honesty that I have come to know and accept will probably not be as "real" as my life continues forward and I will at times slip back into a pattern of self sabotage that I have worked so very hard over the years to break.  I also am aware that there will be many people who read this book and know that they are some of the ones who have caused deep seated hurt and turned their backs when I needed them most. For that, I am so very sorry for pain I will be causing you.  There are just things that had to expressed and with that said, let's unpack what appears to be a photo of a bride, groom, and two beautiful children.

As I pulled this wedding photo out of the depths of the suitcase, I experienced an enormous feeling of light and happiness as I realized that this picture is of me, Jake and Nat and Jakey on our wedding day in April of 2008. The four of us are standing in a field of tall green grass and the kids were looking up at Jake and I and we were reaching out holding their hands.  The wind was blowing and it just seemed as angels were all around us.  The picture is one of the most beautiful photographs I have ever seen.  The morning of the wedding had been cloudy and gray, but as we had this picture taken after the ceremony, it seems as though the heavens opened up and the angels came down and brought the light from above to shine on the four of us on this incredibly special day.  This day was the beginning of me learning what true love, selflessness, and sacrifice was all about and I would not trade it for the world.

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