Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Chapter Four - The Watch

I am learning that opening up the past his very hard and several friends, who have been reading my blog, had no idea that my family was going through this living hell.  This tells me that our family really did keep up our facade and hid our secrets so very well.  It is not a surprise that as my life has moved forward, I learned to keep perpetuating this talent and have protected many who did not deserve my painting a "perfect" picture of them.  So as the book progress' I think many will be stunned at just how much pretending, covering and bolstering I have done while inside I was hurting, lonely and playing and had no idea who I truly was.  This was true not only as a child, but through a marriage, and a very painful divorce. 
With that being said, sorry for the moving off on a tangent, I am now going to make myself dig deep into the suitcase once again.  The next item I removed from the case was a man's watch.  This watch was a reminder of a night that I will probably never completely erase from mind and sometimes reoccurs in the form of a nightmare.  This memory is one that will just play out in front of me some nights that I cannot sleep and I will lie in my bed and keep telling myself "he cannot hurt you again." But I have to say it is much easier to tell myself that than to truly believe it deep within.  This Chapter will definitely evoke feelings of sadness and will probably make you want to give this scared little girl a very big hug.

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